Just Keep Swimming
My lower back gave out yesterday during the warm up. I was doing burpees. What a twisted sense of humor life has sometimes.
I’m super mad because it was so out of the blue and for no good reason.
It just… happened.
And, it’s irritatingly inconvenient as a mother of three and a coach. I ate my feelings last night, too. I had a ginormous helping of chocolate cake with crushed Heath bar bits and whipped cream. Like, enough to feed four people. I also had about 12 pieces of Dove chocolates ranging from caramel to dark. And, I washed it all down with a Pepsi.
And, you know what, I don’t feel sorry or guilty for it. Nor do I feel like I now have to “get back on track.” I also don’t feel like I need to make any sort of “comeback” from my back injury. But, I’m also NOT going to make a habit out of it, either. I’m not having big desserts and over-eating my feelings everyday now. No, I just get that one day. I get to be human, and I don’t have to beat myself up over it.
From this point on, I am challenging our popular thinking. And, I am going to use this situation as an opportunity to be more present and accepting of the entire experience.
Injuries suck. They are frustrating. And, they can feel unfair. What’s worse, we are expected to be positive and grateful through the whole thing. If we aren’t, then we’re an a**hole. We’re expected to eat healthy all the time, otherwise if we don’t then it’s considered “cheating.” We’re expected to make gainz and progress all the time, otherwise we’re not “being better than yesterday.” We’re expected to “comeback better and stronger” than before the setback, otherwise we “failed.”
So, here I am tonight, writing this blog while super annoyed at my current situation, knowing that I won’t be able to coach this week, let alone workout, and I can’t even pick up my 9-month old baby. I’m frustrated at my level of inability, and angry every time my back spasms and I feel shooting pain. But, I also realize it could have been a lot worse, and I am fortunate to have help from my husband and in-laws.
I can be angry and grateful at the same time.
I can be frustrated and happy at the same time.
I can pout and do my stretches at the same time.
I can also eat cake and drink water while taking my vitamins and Fish oil at the same time.
Point is, folks, we can be multiple things at the same time, even when they contradict one another, and that’s okay!
My road to recovery does not have to be motivating or inspiring, nor does it have to be super positive. I’m not going to try to make any sort of comeback, either. I didn’t fall off any wagons or tracks. I don’t need to start over.
I am simply moving forward. I am CONTINUING on my ongoing journey.
Moving forward is choosing to continue to take action WHILE being in the presence of frustration, anger, happiness, gratitude, bitterness, fear, and depression. I don’t have to be happy all the time. I don’t have to be grateful every second. And, I don’t have to be positive all day about my recovery. BUUUT, I still need to move forward, even with all of my anger and irritations.
And, I think that’s the missing link for many - We can still DO something even when we are angry, sad, frustrated, or indifferent. You can even hate it, but still do it. I hate stretching because I think it’s super boring! But, I also know the value of it and how it will help my lower back, so I still do them as I roll my eyes like a teenager.
Yes, you can still do something good for yourself while not necessarily being happy and positive about it. We don’t have to have the “right conditions” for something to work. And, we don’t have to have the “right attitude” to be able to do it. Sometimes, we just gotta do it.
I guess what I’m trying to get at here is… as Dory says, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.” :-)