You Are Not Your Body
As I personally struggle with my return to the gym 12-weeks postpartum, I have to fully confess my thoughts and feelings, and let you know that even us coaches are human beings.
As I am sure many of you can relate, I battled a lot of self-esteem issues as a teenager, and when I got to college, I gained the Freshman 15 (plus 30). I was heavy, unhealthy, and super depressed. So, like so many millions of us, I thought that if I lost the weight, I’d fix my problems. I went crazy on my diets and workouts, and lost over 40 pounds. I drove myself into the ground. While I LOOKED amazing (Skinny, toned), I still was NOT healthy, both physically and mentally.
So, then I got into long-distance triathlons. Got even skinnier. Still super unhealthy. But, “looked great.”
Then, I found CrossFit. I continued to obsess, and even while I sculpted my body, I was NOT healthy (nor happy). WTF was wrong with me? I was at the peak of my fitness and aesthetics, and yet, I still felt just as depressed as I did in college.
It took me owning my own CrossFit gym to figure it out. And even then, I didn’t have all the pieces until I became a mom. And, not just any mom, but a mom of GIRLS. You see, it took me being a coach and a mother of girls to realize what was going on with me.
You can lift all the weights, grunt through all the WODs, show up to every class, eat all the real foods, and sculpt the perfect body, but if you don’t work on the sh** going on inside of you, inside your head and soul, then none of that other stuff matters.
None of that stuff is going to fix what’s going on inside of there. You can’t sweat away your demons.
So, instead of working from the outside, we gotta work from the INSIDE.
As I slowly return to working out, and slowly watch my body return to it’s original state, I am reminded of all of this. Internally, I battle my old demons that want to resurface - The ones that made me obsess about my body and how it looked so many years ago.
And then, today while working out with the 9:00am class, I was reminded what is really important. A couple of members unexpectedly complimented and thanked me for the blog. It was in that moment I realized what matters most while we are on this planet - ADDING VALUE TO EACH OTHER’S LIVES.
Whether I am 130 pounds or 230 pounds, I can add value to other people’s lives. Whether I can deadlift 100 pounds or 400 pounds, I can still help others and bring a smile to their faces. Whether I can fit in a size 2 or a size 20, I can make someone else feel important.
My body is simply a vessel.
When I die, no one is going to talk about my chiseled abs or my best “Fran” time (At least, I hope not). No one will remember how much I weighed, or what my dress size was. And, my obituary definitely will not mention my stats and measurements.
When I die, hopefully everyone will talk about my blogs. They’ll talk about their first private session with me. Their first class with me. The time I helped them through a rough patch. They’ll mention how much I loved people and always tried to bring the community together, and made everyone feel welcomed and valued. I hope that is what will be said about me when I die. Those are the things that matter.
Those are the legacies we leave behind.
NOT our bodies, but our souls.
So, as we all continue to sweat together and battle our own internal battles, always remember that in this broken industry of health & fitness, we are here at Cadre to better ourselves body, mind, AND soul.
You are not your body. You are not your PR’s, lifts, times, or number on a scale.
You are so much more than that! Don’t ever minimize yourself to your aesthetics or numbers. And, as you are working on yourself in the gym, make sure you are also working on yourself inside.
It’s an inside job, literally.
WOD for THURSDAY 120618:
30 min Alternating OTM:
1st Min - 3 Hang Cleans @ 65-70% of your 1 RM Clean
2nd Min - 7-15 HSPU’s (45 seconds of work)
3rd Min - 30 sec Max Effort Jumping Lunges